Truworths mankins get down and dirty

Hardly hidden by the sale banner in the Cresta Truworths front window lie a set of three naked manikins providing sexual favours on one another!

Trueworths mankins going down on one another

Its bad enough that the staff of Truworths don’t want to dress the mankins in Truworths clothing, but positioning them in inappropriate positions can only be described as brand #Fail.

South Africa’s Online Reputation #Fail

Everyday my blood boils as I read yet another negative story on the South Africa’s ability to host the 2010 FIFA World Cup. The lack of any concrete base in all of the accusations made against South Africa’s ability really frustrates me.

My top 5 reasons why South Africa will #fail in hosting the 2010 FIFA World Cup:

• Because you’ll get shot by Zimbabwe farm raiders. Aiden Hartley from The Daily Mail

• Blacks are allowed to run around freely in the street. Sheldie Cohen of AspenWebcam.com

• The pitches are so bad in Botswana that New Zealand refused to play, therefore we are not ready

• Air horns (vuvuzela’s) are allowed in South African stadiums (There are even Facebook groups to ban them)

• Crime epidemic, check South Africa’s YouTube CV (pretty scary)

Disclaimer: I work on a 2010 World Cup good news activation, Shine 2010

The evolution of consumers to consumers 2.0

 Largely from the adoption of social media consumers today have more access, choice, involvement and ownership. Here is a short breakdown on this evolution of the consumer:

Consumers have more access to each other and so more opinions than ever before. Today there are no gatekeepers. This opens up endless opportunities for communication practitioners, our messages are no longer screened from traditional gatekeepers. 

Consumers have more choice, today at 2am in the morning you can order our favourite brand of the most random product from another country.  With more choice available to consumers we need to carefully decide where we spend our marketing and communications budget.

Consumers have more involvement with brands than ever before. Today we engage with brands on a personal level, such as interacting with our favourite brand on our Facebook profile. Marketers have to ask themselves how they are going to build lasting relationships with customers.

Consumers have more ownership, we are now all authors of our own publications from our Facebook status updates to a really well read personal blog. Communicators have to know how to measure and predict behaviour and know how to provide consumers with unique experiences.

Who needs reality TV, we are all stars of our own online reality show

Highlight clips of the ups and downs of my life are being search engine indexed with or without my consent, we are all now stars of our own reality show.

I’ve been embarrassed by inappropriate facebook comments. Considering the number of occasions I’ve had this unpleasant experience I assume it’s not that uncommon?

My mom recently left a comment on a picture of me that my friend posted, “wow chris, you look so handsome”…thanks mom. Now my Gran has just joined facebook and I’m not sure she needs to see those weekend aftermath photos.

So I have finely taken the decision to delete some people from my facebook friends list, I see it as more of a preventative measure. Perhaps being an early adopter means having to be an early leaver too.

My theory = brand recognition = votes

I have a theory that the general population votes on band recognition. It’s this theory that I use to explain the voting of George Bush into two terms of office and the same theory that governs that Jacob Zuma will become South Africa’s next president.

Perhaps this is just denial on the fact that the majority of the public actually chooses these people as the counties rulers? Advertisers sell on the same theory right?

So if my theory is correct I have a feeling that popular brands would do well in an election. Perhaps the Hanna Montana Party would do well in a general election.

Or what about a brand such as OMO. So many South African’s are brand loyal to OMO. You do not need to be literate to recognise and place your cross next to your favourite brand on the ballot list!

Nando’s gets it right

Who doesn’t love Nando’s marketing style? Here is a classic Joost van der Westhuzein sex tape scandal ad featuring Amore.

Nando makes clever use of the Joost sex tape scandal

April fools!

I would not be a popular guy at the office today if my colleagues figured out that it was me that swopped their phone lines, or placed sticky tape under their computer mouse’s, or even if they caught a lead that implied I was behind the sticky taped covering the telephone answer buttons down.

What if they discover that I stuck sticky tape on the water cooler so that it would spray water on them when they fill up their glasses? Or how about the fright they got when they poured out milk in their cereal only to find the milk stained from food colouring. My personal favourite is the realisation that I switched the computer keyboards and mice to different computers, so as one person starts typing their neighbours computer starts responding….

One guy in my office made the mistake of leaving his Facebook profile logged on, so naturally that was an open invitation to change his profile picture to some light gay porn.

Ha ha I think I’m evil inside because I’ve had far too much fun setting this up!

Food colouring in the milk is a great way to get the office talking

The world is China’s bitch

It appears as if the world is bending over backwards for China. More concerning is that our own government is leading the pack in bowing down to the Chinese.

I believe that the rule of the Chinese is nothing short of evil. The control they have Tibetans’ is unarguably terrible what it is truly unexplainable in my eyes is the control they have over their own people.

China has recently blocked YouTube! There is no logical explanation for blocking citizens from the site. The South African government’s decision to not allow the Dalai Lama into the country is one of the worst decisions that I’ve seen in a while from the SA government (that’s saying something). How long till our YouTube access is blocked?

What would be really cool is if the Chinese government blocked my site for this blog post!

The world would be a better place without….

Some things really get to me. Here is a list of a few of the things that grind me the wrong way, I hope you’ll agree the world would be better without:

• The SABC – If we had to vote on the most inadequate organisation in the country it would be a toss up between Cope and the SABC. The SABC irritates me the most because I’m forced to pay an annual TV licence for their inefficiencies (and the suspended CEO’s salary).
• Non-stop music power 30 minutes – Tune into a 30 minute music marathon and count the number of times they stop the “non-stop music marathon”. How are the morons at radio stations (94.7 specifically) not aware that stopping the music to announce that you are listening to a non-stop music marathon is actually stopping the music…morons.
• Parking lot designers – If there was a button I could hit that eliminated all the people who currently design shopping mall parking lots, I wouldn’t hesitate hitting it! Ever tried to navigate Cresta’s parking lot for an exit? Maybe you’ve tried to find parking at Menyln? Or worse you’ve had to pay for underground parking at the V&A Waterfront underground parking. You see it’s not very difficult to convince you that we could really do better without these parking lot ‘architects’.
• Julius Malema – I think without the controversy that this man brings to the South African landscape SA politics would not be as exciting as it is, but the world would be a better place without this gene pool algae.
• Taxi drivers – I hate the taxi drivers for endangering the lives of the innocent passengers and bystanders in the way they drive. This doesn’t grind me as much as the recent threats the taxi industry is making against the rollout of the BRT. They are literally trying to hold the South African government at ransom, when commendably our government is finally attempting to sort out our lack of public transport.
• Carte Blanche – This is sensationalist reporting at its worst/best, what irritates me about this show (surprisingly it’s not the ridiculously close up shots of spokespeople) is how people consume anything the show says. Literally if Carte Blanche told everyone that all parking lot designers could be killed by the press of a simple button people would be honestly believe it.
• Self titled Social Media Experts – Let’s be honest who can really self title themselves as an expert. Enough said.
• 
• Babies – I hate babies, they serve no purpose…eat, poo, sleep..that’s it. I’m only interested in having kids if they pop out at about 2 years old.
• Traffic circles – Unfortunately these just don’t work in South Africa, for some reason we just don’t know how to work these ‘roundabout’ things.

What really gets to you?

I should probably make a list of things that I love just to prove that I’m a bit more balanced than this may appear.

Bandwidth Killers

At my agency we work damn hard, we also invest/waste hours every day trawling the web. In fact prioritising work only starts after checking and interacting on all our social networks in the morning.

Here is a list of some of the cool stuff that I love on the net from around the world with a few local inspirations, inspired by Greg Ruffer’s list of the 99 things you should of seen on the net unless your a loser or something old.

• Charlie the Unicorn – This one isn’t for everyone, but the first time I saw it I found it hilarious. Think how funny this must be for stoned people!
• Shadow Puppet Show – Love this, its really true talent.
• Mentos and Diet Coke – Try this, it actually does work really well!
• Numa Numa- I wish I bust a video this funny created by a friend on his computer.
• Animator vs Animation – Any who has used Photoshop will approve of this one.
• Peanut Butter Jelly Time – Try not sing along with this, its pretty hard not too.
• Dramatic Chipmunk – Only 5 seconds long, yet brilliant!
• Britain’s Got Talent – This guys story with his audition gives me goosebumps.
• Fail Blog – After subscribing to this site I now continuously point at things and shout fail!
• Gearge Bush says the Darnedest Things – There are so many videos on this, but thats just because the man says so many stupid things!
• Cute Overload – This one is def for the ladies!
• Rick Roll – The sad thing is this wasn’t created for a laugh, its real!
• Bert and Ernie Rap – Someone had too much time (and we thank then for it).
• Classic Malema -  Love this dedication to hte greatness that is Julius Malema.
• “Leave Britney Alone” – Rumours has it this guy got an acting contract out of this little “performance”.
• Laughing Baby – Honestly I dont get this, but everyone else love it!
• The Chairperson Falls – South Africa’s own claim to fame on YouTube.
• Ms. South Carolina Answers A Question – Hey another SA mention, I wonder if she could find it on a map?
• Tom Cruise Kills Oprah – Scarily this video doesn’t even need to special effects.
• Aussie Party – This teenage twit has shot himself to international stardom. In fact you can now hire him as a  party planner, you have to admit he is legendary.
• Look At The Horse – Ad people can be retarded, don’t believe me? Watch this Katana Sword
• Asian Backstreet Boys – Pretty darn funny.
• Sneezing Panda - Note to self, stay far away from sneezing panda’s.
• Christian Bale goes crazy – I’m not convinced this was not a publicity stunt, your thoughts?
• Matrix Ping Pong – There are a few different versions of this, most are pretty cool.
• Daft Hands – I think they should of used this as the music video.
• Scary Maze Prank – This isnt funny, no wait its pretty funny.
• Tranquilized Bear Hits Trampoline – Lets hope this bears friends dont have access to YouTube.
• Malema Prank Call – I cant believe that he could be so rude on the phone.

Best return on investment around

I received the most amazing opportunity recently when driving to work. I was handed a pamphlet at the side of the road for Professor. Salims’ services. This guy is amazing! Just take a look at the services he offers. Some of my favourites are:

• Read and tell all your problems before you even mention them
• Remove bad spells from homes and businesses
• Ensure success as you get rich quick (wow, sounds good!)
• Trace whereabouts of people that hurt you
• Guarantee that you are loved
• All these challenges can be overcome in 48 hours
• Consultations: R100

Unfortunately Prof Salim seems to not have a cure for poor spelling judging from his pamphlet. For R100 this is the best investment around!

It would be really great if there was some magic potion with a R100 consultation that would solve all your problems in 48 hours. Either join the queue at Prof Salim’s consultation, or maybe take some of your own initiative to avoid the escapism and deal with your problems upfront, your choice.

2010 tickets now on sale!

In a very quick turn around with loads of changes, challenges, late nights, search engine optimisation and online editorial outreach our team has created a pretty slick (obviously I’m biased) video on the 2010 FIFA World Cup ticketing process.

There is so much confusion about the process and wrong information in the media, so if you want to be in the stadium watching the world’s largest sporting event take a look at the video we have created that explains the process here: http://www.shine2010.co.za/goodnews.php?article_id=240

Application for inservice traning

I got a rather amusing application for “inservice traning in Public relationsorCommunications field” today.

I feel rather bad for the poor guy, his email to me was so shocking I feel that he will never stand the chance of getting a job. Normally when someone sends me a CV with a spelling mistake I get irritated, stop reading it and hit delete. In PR there is no margin for spelling errors, I learnt this the hard way. In this case the application was just too bad to hit the delete key:

Hit delete on bad applications

“RE: Application for i inservice traning in Public relationsorCommunications field Kindly please recieve my application for inservice training.My name is n************* e******** d******** and I am currently registerd for my third year in Public relations Management at Durban University of Technology. As I am studying my lust year I am requerd to complite my 12 months working integrated learning that will give me practical experience in the field of public relations management, I therefore request you to allow me to complete my work experience with your organisation.

I have send my Cv in case you need it and it capts in your files

my contacts is ************ or ***************”

There are so many things wrong in this email besides the obvious spelling errors, for example how does this person think they are going to complete work experience while studying when their varsity is in Durban and our agency in Johannesburg? It’s very scary to think that this guy is in 3rd year! It really doesn’t say much for the standard at Durban University of Technology.

In many ways I want to help this guy, let’s be honest he is never going to get a job without it. At the same time I can’t say that I want to set this guy onto any company who hired him off the cover letter that I helped write. Let me know if you think we should help the poor guy out!

SA’s own online magazine

I’m pleased to see that South Africa has its own very respectable online magazine, Milk magazine. Sure it’s not as good as UK’s Monkey mag but it really is a reasonable attempt, and in time I hope that it develops into something valuable. One of the most exciting aspect of this magazine is the possibilities that it opends for advertising, I can’t wait to see ads in Milk magazine that go beyond the ordinary. One just hopes it does not go the route that Monkey did and ends up a porno mag…not appropriate to read in my open plan office.

Check out Milk magazine here: http://www.milkmag.co.za/

Milk Online Magazine

Karaoke epic fail

This video got sent to my office from a client and quickly made its way around the office followed by little laughing fits. I love it!

Take a look here: Karaoke Epic Fail